crimsonstar23

"Pushing Daisies" Is "Dead Like Me" Meets "Lemony Snickett"

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 21:38:07 GMT

I just saw the first episode of "Pushing Daisies" today on the DVR.

It was ok, but a little too cute and whimsical. I mean, I like whimsical but this show seemed sort of entranced by how utterly whimsical it was.

Basically, a guy has the power to raise the dead with a touch of his finger. But the catch is, if he touches them again, the person reverts to deaditude.

So he raises from the dead the woman he loves.

Cue to at least three seasons of pained, meaningful glances between said couple.

"But if I kiss you, you'll die!"

The guy also has a dog he can't pet because he brought him back from the dead as well. So he uses a stick to sort of brush his fur.

Oh yeah, and the requisite crazy spinster aunts.

As I said, it's "ok" -- but a little too cute. Kinda like "Chuck," another new show that's very similar in tone.

The Inside Of My Brain At The Moment

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 20:21:07 GMT

Halloweenie Film Festival #29: "The Crow: Salvation"

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 16:20:20 GMT

Favoriting the first "Crow" movie is soooooo unimaginative. Real connoisseurs of the cinema prefer to go with the more obscure.

"The Crow: Salvation" marked the exact point when the series became a B-movie, "direct-to-DVD" franchise. The quality of the film is a sharp nose-dive from that of its predecessor, "The Crow: City Of Angels." The film's ostensible star, Kirsten Dunst, has that same "I don't want to be here I've been kidnapped & drugged into making this movie" look that Alyssa Milano had in "Embrace of the Vampire."

Only Eric Mabius -- best known for his role on "Ugly Betty" -- as The Crow gives the film any real redemptive quality. His intense, earnest performance is the best that has been done for the role outside of Brandon Lee, and far outshines that of Eddie Furlong or Vincent Perez.

Still, there is enough cheese here to keep one entertained -- a hammy Fred Ward as the masochistic Bad Guy, inappropriate gore, and the maudlin & drawn-out flashback sequences that has become a staple of the series.

Quality rating: B-
Cheesy rating: B+

Halloweenie Film Festival #30: "Embrace Of The Vampire"

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 01:05:29 GMT

"Embrace of the Vampire" is the uber-cheesy vampire movie that stands above all other cheesy vampire movies. How cheesy is it? Star Alyssa Milano sued to have screen shots taken from the movie be banned from distribution on the Internet. Indeed, the "Who's The Boss" former child star walks to through the film in somewhat of a daze, as if she was kidnapped, drugged, and blackmailed into making it.

But it gets better.

You've got one of the Spandau Ballet guys as the main tragic vampire. He sort of looks and acts like Nick Cage on crack.

Then you've got this extended scene where a lesbian photographer seduces Milano into a raunchy photo shoot. It's supposed to be sexy but it's a little awkward (Milano has this look on her face like "oh s**t am I really doing this movie?")

And halfway into the movie we find out that the Spandau Ballet guy can change genders & turn into Jennifer Tilly. Which is good to know.

Far more a softcore porn film than an actual tale of the undead, this gem set the stage for such classics as "Poison Ivy 2: Electric Boogaloo" and "Muffy the Vampire Layer."

Quality Rating: C-
Cheesy Rating: A+++

Halloweenie Film Festival #31: The Hand Of Death

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 19:29:45 GMT

I used to be a huge horror movie buff. That was until the genre of horror movie known as "torture porn" became really popular; I really couldn't sit through "Saw" or "Hostel" I could sit through Rob Zombie's films because they at least had a good deal of weirdness to liven things up).

Instead of giving you a list of my favorite "good" horror movies, which everybody does, I'd rather put my arcane knowledge of bad B movies to philanthropic use and share my discoveries with the world.

So here are the 31 Days of the Weirdest & Cheesiest.

#31: "THE HAND OF DEATH"!

A scientist's experiment goes awry and he turns into The Thing. Not even the cuddly Thing, when Jack Kirby really got into it. No, I mean the lumpy-ass Thing. Legend has it that Lee & Kirby used this film as the inspiration for their rocky Fantastic Four character -- even down to the trenchcoat & hat! However, "The Hand Of Death" came out in '62 & "The Fantastic Four "#1 in '61. So it's more likely to be the other way around. Still, there's quite a resemblance, no?

Really cheap, cheesy movie that works (sort of) because of its nail-biting premise: if the mutated scientist touches anyone, they also turn into lumpy Things. There is an extended sequence at the beach where the Thing-Scientist is passed out on the sand and this little boy keeps curiously walking around him...just about to touch him...then pulls away...then comes back and almost touches him...oh no, they wouldn't turn that cute little moppet into a lumpy Thing-monster, would they?! (well, maybe if Cronenberg or Aronofsky or somebody was directing...)

This movie also features that staple of the mad scientist movie -- the best friend who moves in on the scientist's girlfriend at the drop of a hat. Doesn't even wait for the poor guy to start turning orange.

Not the best, but good for a laugh and a tense moment.

Quality Rating: C-
Cheesy Rating: B+

YouTube Procrastination Clip Round-Up

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 13:06:26 GMT

Last-minute clips I'm getting in before my 9:00 begin-work deadline:

The Sex Pistols

The Kinks

The Monkees

The Doors

Okay, ready to start working now & kicking ass!

What Tarot Card Are You?

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 15:14:36 GMT

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Tuesday Morning Movie

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 14:05:22 GMT

I'm watching Woody Allen's "The Purple Rose Of Cairo" as I write for my media gig. It sounds paradoxical, but having the TV on playing movies and whatnot when I write really keeps me focused on the job. But it needs to be good movies, not VH1's "Flavor of Love" or "Car Crashes Weekly" or anything brash like that.

I'm pretty familiar with Woody Allen movies, but I've never sat through "Purple Rose" before. I really like it. I forgot how much I really like Allen's films -- the look, the jazz music, the way the stories make me feel.

The film was shot in my grade school's auditorium when I was a little girl. I remember what a big deal it was at the time. Watching Mia Farrow watch Jeff Bridges on that screen, in that auditorium, I got flashbacks to when we'd all assemble in that room for various school plays, presentations, the Pledge of Allegiance.

The movie explores a lot the idea of what is real and what is not -- what is the created image, and who is the producer of that image, and all this deep sort of "nature of reality" stuff.

I acted in "Annie" in that auditorium when I was about nine. I played Franklin Delano Roosevelt. I wore my dad's confirmation suit and rolled around in a wheelchair. Coincidently, Edward Herrmann, who played FDR in the movie version of "Annie," is one of the leading men of the movie on the screen in the very same auditorium.

Time to get up, drink some acai juice, shake my legs out, and do more writing.

David Cronenberg's "Return of the Jedi"

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 12:49:20 GMT

David Cronenberg said recently that he was initially approached to direct the third installment of the Star Wars "Original Trilogy."

“I got a phone call. I was in my kitchen and it was one of the producers. He said, ‘What would you think of doing ‘Star Wars’?” Cronenberg explained. “I said, ‘Well, I don’t usually do other people’s material.’ And then there was a kind of click. I wasn’t enthusiastic enough obviously. I didn’t get a chance to think about whether it was a good idea or not. I blew it right away.’”

The real question is -- would there be Ewoks in a Cronenberg "Return of the Jedi?" And would they be flesh-eating virus-addled cocaine freaks?

Internet Killed The Video Star (And Everything Else)

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 00:53:41 GMT

You know, every time I read media blogs for my other job, I am struck by how much panic and gloom-and-doom there is at the moment in traditional print media like newspapers & magazines. That panic extends to broadcast TV as well.

It's all about the Internet, and how it is killing everything else.

...

But I think the answer is for traditional media to come up with unique content for online consumption. And not expect people to pay for it, when they can get it everything else for free on the Web.

Of course, as I read these media blogs, I can't help but extend that debate to comic books...

Hmmm....

Tiki Jack Chick Tract

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 20:24:10 GMT

"Beware The Tiki" --

It will make you pray to pagan gods!

It will make you drink more fruit juice!

Vanity Sizing at Clothing Chains

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 20:11:39 GMT

Just read this article on how it's a common practice for clothing stores to skew their sizes smaller than they actually are so they can build customer loyalty. Why buy a size 6 when at So-And-So store that 6 is marked as a 4?

The article brings up the other fashion industry dirty secret -- that the more high-end boutiques & brands don't make clothing past a certain size because they think having larger people wear their clothing is bad for their "brand."

I've experienced both phenomena first-hand. It really plays with your head. Feh.